Port Authority

I thought I would share with you a little information about the port that is used to transfer all the chemotherapy goodies into my body. 

First, here is a picture:

It was hard for me to get a picture that accurately shows what it looks like, but this is close. 

There is a scar above where the needle goes in. There seem to be three little "balls" in triangle form that protrude from under the skin, but it isn't noticeable under my clothes. You can barely make out the catheter that goes up to the round scar on my neck. It looks like a vein. 

Today for the first time, I gently laid my hand over the port and felt it with my palm. I have been very hesitant to touch the area because it feels very strange to me. Sometimes I accidentally brush it with my hand and get startled. 

As I've mentioned before, the nurse sprays a freezing agent on the area (which sometimes burns) before putting in the needle (which does not hurt). 

I'm not actually sure what material the port is made out of, but from the way it looks (those three little balls), I joke that I feel like a robot. :) 

Next treatment (7 out of 12): tomorrow! January 31 around 1pm. 

Chemo brain

Wow I posted about being halfway there yesterday morning and I don't remember a thing. Talk about my first "real" experience with chemo brain!!! LOL :) 

Vocal rest

Shirt by Alyssa Brode Design!

It is day 3 since treatment on Friday (I call Sunday Day 3...) and as usual, this is the day that I have a sore throat and what feels like an empty stomach, although today I did have a good appetite. Also, I have some aches from the Neulasta shot given the day after chemotherapy. Today is a day I just stay in bed or on the couch doing mindless activities. I am reading Life of Pi though, which I'm enjoying. (I just started- no spoilers!) Today is also a day I try not to cry because my larynx feels so high and it hurts when I get choked up, because it literally feels like I'm choking!

But I don't have anything to cry about today. I had a great visit today from Christina and I can't say enough how much I love this girl and treasure our (almost 20 year) friendship. Now that she lives far out in PA, I enjoy every minute I get to spend with her!

My sister went back to college today. I start school on Wednesday, but I have the best schedule ever. Two online half-semester courses, one in-person class half-semester course (done in March) and a full semester PIANO course! I'm so excited! Since I will be finished with my required speech courses, I figured why not pick up a piano elective! I've been wanting to play again and now is my chance. 

Oh also this Tuesday, I am interviewing for my "dream" internship to take place in the fall. I'm going to spend a day observing and interview at the end of the day. 

And two more big things... 1. I am halfway through my treatments!!! 2. I still have my hair!! I never imagined I would hang into it for this long. Crossing fingers it will just thin out and I won't need to wear a wig, but if I do, that's okay too. I've got a great one picked out. 

Thanks for reading and have a great week. 

G

Halfway there!

Yesterday marked the halfway point of my treatments! I have 3 more cycles to go (remember that's 6 rounds of chemotherapy visits). 

And I still have my hair! This part is truly amazing to me. I'm still being very cautious by not brushing or washing often, although the nurse practitioner for two weeks has said I won't lose it (knock on wood). Hair is still growing on my legs, too, which I was also expecting to lose right away. 

Everyone reacts differently to treatment, especially the ABVD treatment I'm receiving, I guess. 

Last night after chemotherapy was rough. My stomach wasn't quite settled. I did not get sick, but didn't have a great appetite. The only "foods" I was in the mood for were cheese doodles, skittles, and oatmeal lovingly made my by mom! 

I slept very well after taking anti-anxiety/nausea medications. Today I was up early and am in the mood for some carbs and protein! Egg on a bagel, maybe. :) My stomach feels much better.

What are your plans for the weekend? I'm thinking I might try to find some motivation to work on leftover homework for the fall semester and respond to emails. I hope my girlfriend Chrissy is feeling better!! She was supposed to come by for a visit, but might have the flu! :( I have to be extra careful around people and friends who are sick.

Whatever you do, I hope it makes you happy and finds you surrounded by good people! 

Next treatments (all around 1pm):

Friday, January 31

Friday, February 14 

Friday, February 28

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Gillian

isn't it ironic?

So after I posted my last blog about being willing to share my experiences with others, but not making any "friends" at chemotherapy, another doctor at the cancer center approached me while I was finishing treatment and said a young woman a few years younger than me was just diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma and would be starting the same treatment as I am on. She was just finishing with her bone marrow biopsy and was also interested in talking to me after my treatment. So, considering what I wrote about earlier, I don't know if that's irony, a coincidence, fate?

I went into her examination room after I finished my treatment and she had just finished the biopsy and I couldn't stop thinking about how cancer is hitting so many young people. 

I think I was a little loopy after treatment, but I told her a few things, showed her my port (which she said was much smaller than she expected, so I feel as if I've already helped), and asked if she had questions. Her first question was about the hair loss. I told her that this was my real hair and that I've been really lucky so far, but that it worries me every day. I knows everyone is so different and some people lose their hair much sooner, but that I am still trying to accept life as a person without hair, if or when that happens. It surely is the most difficult part of this process, especially for women.

It wasn't until we exchanged numbers and emails that we found out that we both graduated from the same high school and that she's knows some of my band friends. I texted her later that night with more info and advice, after I had taken another nap.

I didn't think I would meet someone so soon who is my age, with a similar diagnosis, starting the same regimen, and feeling the way I was feeling just a few months ago (and still do feel now). I feel comforted in a way, knowing that I can hopefully help this young woman and let her know that she (we) will be okay and get through this and come out even stronger on the other side.

Chemo small talk

Here I am, sitting for my fifth treatment (which really equals the beginning of my third cycle, but I like counting it out of 12 actual appointments). A woman next to me started to strike up conversation with me about the soap opera playing in the room. We chatted a little bit, she told me where I could find magazines, and just finished with her treatment. She left me with "keep your chin up and take it day by day." 

Friends and family who have gone through chemotherapy or know someone who had, have told me that I would make friends with the people I would be at chemotherapy with, but honestly, I haven't recognized anyone who is here the same time as me (plus the room is usually empty) and don't really know what appropriate "chemotherapy etiquette" is. Is it appropriate to ask where they are in treatments? What kind of cancer they have? How often do they come for treatments? I wouldn't mind if someone asked me those questions, but I am not ready to be the "asker" myself. (I can't think of a better word than "asker"- could be the meds?).

I've been very willing to share my experiences with others, but I'm not sure why it feels different with other patients with cancer. I almost feel like I'm not one of them-  my supervisor at my GA tells me I'm going through this like no one else she's ever seen with cancer. It's a combination of my attitude, general health, and haven't even lost my hair (yet)! I feel lousy the first few days after a treatment, but for the remainder of the week until my next treatment, I feel normal! (With the exception that I've been lazy over winter break- but hey, it is break after all.)

So, this is the beginning of the third cycle and there are six cycles. (AKA fifth treatment out of twelve.) My nurse practitioner said if I haven't lost my hair in clumps, then it won't happen that way. My hair, particularly unwanted facial hair, has always been stubborn, so maybe this is a good sign. 

The results of my CT scan last week are in: Chest looks "considerably improved" and swelling of spleen is "markedly reduced." This is great news! But we continue with the same regimen. 6 cycles, 12 appointments. Almost halfway there. 

And now I will drift off to a happy place...but before I do, I just want to thank everyone who has been following my blog and sending their love and support. Thank you!!! Zzzzz :)

Snow day

Hi everyone. Just a quick post to let you know my fifth treatment has been postponed to Monday due to the snow. 

I had a wonderful holiday with family and friends and I hope you did too. I will post more soon. 

Enjoy the snow!